i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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