I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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