yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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