can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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