I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize