dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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