If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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