Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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