And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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