an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can you bring me the toilet please
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize