that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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