Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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