I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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