So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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