The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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