so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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