when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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