It's Friday. Sex?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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