So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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