he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize