He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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