corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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