so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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