I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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