yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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