You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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