I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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