There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize