You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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