every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize