what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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