Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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