I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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