I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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