oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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