epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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