a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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