yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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