Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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