Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize