I met the friendliest cop last night
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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