she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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