I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize