So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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