Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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