I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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