btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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