Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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