Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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