IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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